I've got some news...

I’m writing this as I bask in the sunshine on the terrace of a pretty new café on the high street, sipping on herbal tea and just generally enjoying the feeling of freedom. Freedom to write, to work at my own pace, to forge my own career path. It’s pretty much the idyllic life I envisaged, and I keep having to pinch myself that I managed to make it a reality.

Because I finally did it - I went freelance. I’m now a fully-fledged freelance writer.

It probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when it’s been something you’ve been thinking about…forever, the final leap feels pretty huge.

I don’t know if you’ll find this post useful, or even interesting. I think mostly it will be a tiresome ramble about my current situation, the benefit of which is in the writing rather than the reading. But if you’re thinking of going freelance, too? Perhaps it will help you. Perhaps. I’m not sure.

I’ve been trying to write this post since I handed in my notice at my previous job, but it won’t come easy. I keep stopping and starting. I don’t want it to be too reflective, too self-centred, too smug.  I’m not really sure why it’s so hard to write. Maybe because I’m still adjusting, adapting, working out how it’s going to affect me long-term. Because this wasn’t a decision I made on a whim - I left my secure, enjoyable and well-paid job as a senior content executive for a luxury travel brand to… what? To go it alone. To write. Which, to be honest, is all I’ve ever wanted to do.

Because to be completely honest, I couldn’t keep doing it. I enjoyed my job for the most part, but have always struggled with regulation, expectations and repetition. Whenever I think about doing the same thing in and out for the rest of my life, I feel like my life is over already. Which sounds pretty damn depressing, but as much as I thrive off structure, I also need variety, new things, new people, new projects - to feel like I’m constantly moving forward. I’ve been thinking a lot about when I get old, and I look back on my life. I don’t want to think: I got swept along with what my life should look like, and spent every beautiful day trapped inside the same building, doing the same thing, wishing I was somewhere else.

I want stories.

And even if freelancing doesn’t work? (please let it work please let it work please let it work) at least I’ve got a story.  

There was a quote that kept coming back to me. And whenever I tried to forget it, it would renew its tenancy in my brain with even more gusto. It’s the backbone of why I did this, of why I’m going travelling, of why I’m terrified of wasting a day.

Be the main character in your own life, and live your life on purpose.

So simple, but it really resonates with me. Perhaps it does for you, too. I’m not even sure where I heard it. In fact, I think it’s two snippets of fragments of pieces of things I heard once upon a time, and meshed together for my own use. Whatever. But I just can’t forget it.

I am by no means dissing a traditional 9-5 office job. I really admire people who can give their all to a company and bring their a-game day in, day out. I, for some reason, never had the staying power. There’s going to be a lot I miss about having a job like that. The old-fashioned notion of heading out to the office in the morning, working hard for your buck, returning home at night. Colleagues. Free coffee. The commute (who’d have thought it?).

But I guess the freelancing lifestyle more than makes up for it. To keep myself in check, I’ve been getting up at the same time as I did when I commuted – 6:30am. I head out to the gym for an hour, run back, shower, eat breakfast – and am sat at my desk for 9. In that respect, nothing’s changed. But the leisurely lunches? Meditation breaks?  Ability to sing (howl) to my heart’s content at my desk? Speaking of which, a desk which can be anywhere – park, bedroom, garden or, indeed, café terrace? That I could get used to.

Of course, it isn’t all peaches and cream – or else everyone would be doing it, right? Becoming a freelancer is quite scary, and I’m sure it holds no appeal for a lot of people. There’s no regular payslip – indeed, not even the guarantee of one at all. No healthcare, no paid holiday, no pension. You really are out there on your own.  

In my last weeks at my old job, I was so humbled by all of the love, understanding and support I received about my decision to go freelance. I hadn’t really expected it. People weren’t surprised at all; my well-rehearsed defences were barely needed. People told me they knew it was coming, that it made sense, that it was exciting. The thing I heard the most? “That’s very brave”, said with varying amounts of incredulity and compassion. It made me stop and think. Is it? Is it brave? I’ve heard of braver things. The notion of it being an ambitious or entrepreneurial thing to do stopped me in my tracks – because I’d never treated it as such. It was just the next logical step, like arriving at your destination and getting off the plane.

I’ll admit, the first couple of days were tough. My last days at work were a mixture of champagne, not-quite-goodbyes, and very generous gifts. I was drunk on the excitement and expectation (and probably the bubbles). So when I finally got up on Monday morning and sat at my desk, thinking, this is it – this is the moment, I wanted to cry. God knows why. My very patient boyfriend had to coach me through the first day. You can do this. You’ve been doing it – just do it a bit more. I’m relieved to report that the feeling of panic soon passed.

I’m trying as hard as possible to keep my work to Monday – Friday, 9-5, to enjoy some semblance of a normal work/life balance after running myself ragged for god knows how many months, but of course clients are going to email out of hours. They might need you – and working in social media, you always need to keep an eye on the ball. It’s your business, built out of sweat and blood (plus a whole lot of swearing and late nights, cursing the notion of a Self-Assessment), so you’ll probably end up doing way more hours than you would in the office.

And you’ve got to be pretty self-motivated. I get asked all the time how I’m productive working from home, and with good reason. Home is where the rest of your life is lived, it’s your sanctuary, your relaxation space. So it’s full of distractions, and tempting, non-work-related things which constantly vie for your attention.  Saying that, I thought I’d find that part tougher – currently the days are going more quickly than they ever have before. But it definitely helps to get out and about often. The thing you’ll miss most is people. You really do take conversations by the coffee machine for granted. When you start talking to your plants – maybe arrange a client meeting.

But despite all these things – I can honestly say I’m in love with it. And I’m happier than I’ve been in… a long time.

Finally – a job that suits me.